What do you see?
I’m always amazed how one image, a moment frozen in time, can elicit so many different feelings and perspectives. Art is subjective after all.
I remember when this photo was taken almost 4 ½ years ago. Aaron had just become interested in photography and liked anything that was “old school”. He had a Polaroid camera and took it with him everywhere. I didn’t see him aim it my way because if I had I would have covered my face or turned around. I hate to be in front of the camera now.
When I first saw the photo I thought, “Not bad.” I didn’t hate it. I must have been okay with it because I actually made it my Facebook profile image for a while. My thought was that I looked at peace. That’s a rare moment to catch of me. I didn’t feel huge and it didn’t get my insecurities all riled up. No one else wanted the photo so I kept it.
It probably depends on the mood I’m in at the time but on some days, I will look at it and see someone who looks sad and alone. Lost in her thoughts, whatever they may be.
I have also looked at the photo and thought it looks like someone who is unhappy. Not sure of who she is or where she belongs.
This morning I looked at it as I was getting ready to go to the gym and the first thing to go through my mind was, “Never let yourself look like that again”. I’m always concerned about my weight and it fluctuates. It would get to the point that I didn’t want to go to anything with Paul because of how I felt I looked. Insecure much? It’s a horrible thought but it’s how I would feel. So, now that my back is better and I can actually work out I’m trying to just get to a point where I am stronger and healthier.
I have had the actual polaroid on my mirror where I see it every day when I’m getting ready. I never really thought about why I did that but this afternoon I looked at it, really looked at it, and I saw ME and realized that I put it there to remind me that things were good, I was good.
